Tag Archives: art

I think spring has sprung!

Hey peeps!

Get it? I’m calling all of you peeps because it is the day after Easter and you probably have a bunch of peeps sitting around going stale. Maybe you should just throw them away because we all know you’re not going to eat them!

I originally planned on posting this on Easter, but a few computer problems later and here it is- a day late.

Yesterday was not only Easter but it was also LDS General Conference. It’s a day that happens twice a year where LDS leaders and members gather for two days to give and hear talks. These talks range from church news and announcements to gospel doctrine stories and testimonies of Jesus Christ.

I love when General Conference falls on Easter because ultimately Christ is the whole purpose of Conference, He is our cornerstone and the ultimate example.

Like many other holidays, Easter can get turned from a day to remember Christ, to a day to remember candy, rabbits and colorful eggs. Don’t get me wrong, I quite enjoy Mr. Easter bunny and all of the delicious prizes he brings me. But I know that isn’t what we should be focused on.

Easter symbolizes the day when Christ overcame death and was resurrected. He gave his life and died for each one of us, and then overcame it all and rose again. I couldn’t be more grateful for His sacrifice and example. It helps remind me that we are not just here on earth to get rich or famous. We are here for a greater purpose- to learn, grow and get back to live with God again. We can only do this because of Jesus Christ.

I know there are people out there who don’t share the same beliefs I do. But I think it can do nothing but strengthen someone to try to live a kind, selfless life like Christ did. And the message of Easter- of hope, resurrection and new beginnings can apply to us all. We all go through trials and hardships; there isn’t anyone who is spared from occasional grief and heartache. But on the other hand, everyone also experiences at least a moment of happiness, love or success. We should all remember the message of Easter every day of the year. That there are great things to live for, and there are always new beginnings, fresh starts and happy times ahead.

So ultimately I’m not too upset I couldn’t post this yesterday on Easter, because everyday should be like Easter, really!

Along with it being Easter, it’s also spring. Waaahoooo! I’ve missed the sun, colorful plants, flowers and clothes. I hope I don’t jinx it though, living in Utah means it could start snowing tomorrow for all I know. It better not!

Here’s a little spring outfit I put together. I found this PrettyGuide jumpsuit while I was thrifting last week, and paired it with my favorite DVF sequin jacket. I mean, really… Best jacket in the world! My shoes were also a thrift find last year. I have a bit of an addiction… I might just end up completely turning my blog into a thrift site. Maybe I’ll change it from iamcodi to iamsavers or iamgoodwill. I’m sure they wouldn’t mind me using their name right?

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So there you go, some springy stuffs.

So I know I haven’t been posting much lately and for that I am sorry! But also not sorry because I’ve been focusing on school, plus there are fun things coming after I graduate! Three weeks left, people. Then my trillion years of college will be completed. Someone please pat me on my sequined back! Thank you.

With Easter on the mind I thought it might also be appropriate to post my second part to my Loss Series. This is my Senior Portfolio Project, which for some reason I chose to make a photographic movie instead of do actual photos. I’m still sort of confused why I did this.. so don’t ask me why! But this video is Part Two out of three. (You can watch Part One here) It comments on loss, particularly the type of loss that we can’t control such as death, relationships, memories, etc. I started this project after my divorce and the passing of my grandpa when my life was in the middle of many big changes- I had lost a lot of people. I know everyone relates, because everyone goes through change, and change is a direct result of losing something.

 

My final video will be shown in addition to the two I have posted here in my Senior Exhibition. If you are interested in seeing them they will be displayed on the second floor the Marriot Library on Thursday, April 16th from 9am-2pm in study room 2103. If you’re up on the University of Utah campus for some reason stop in and see!

Thanks for reading guys! I’ll be posting a couple more posts before I graduate, and in a few weeks I’ll be really focusing on this little blog of mine! So keep checking back.. only if you want to of course.

Happy belated Easter! Happy spring!!

Codi

I am still here! Let’s talk collaborations…

Hey so… sorry I’ve been MIA! I’m not dead I promise.

I have some exciting new things coming in the near future. I’m in the process of revamping iamcodi.com! My website and blog will be all pretty and new (finally), and I am currently booking photo-shoots for each blog post.

I have a lot in mind for the future of this blog of mine, and I would love to collaborate with some awesome individuals! I’m looking for:

  • Photographers/ Videographers
  • Models
  • Designers (Clothing, jewelry, product..etc)
  • Companies needing advertising
  • Artists
  • Makeup Artists/Hairdressers
  • Graphic/ Web Designers
  • Interns (I will teach you all I know, young Padawan)

This list can go on if you do something that you think I could incorporate into my blog, just contact me with any questions or inquiries! These collaborations will primarily be for the blog but it could trickle into my Fine Art work depending on the project. So if you or someone you know would be interested in working with little old me shoot an email over to:

codi@iamcodi.com

Sorry this is the most boring and businessy (yes, that is a word) post I have ever done!  But this will be grreeeaaat!

And I also apologize for the blog post drought.. I’ve been doing my rain dance and I think I feel a storm coming..

Ok that last sentence was dumb.. bahaha I think I am just excited!

Thanks friends, have a fabulous week!

Codi

Simplify

Why hello there!

This might be a rather quick post. It’s been quite the week, my first week of school, plus I am leaving on a cruise tonight! Wahoooo! My pasty white skin needs the sun!

Tuesday as I was getting ready for class, I stopped and realized it was my last first day of school ever! At first I started jumping around in excitement. Then I realized… holy crap.. this means I have to be a big kid now! I will have to have a big kid job,  stop wearing diapers, stop eating baby food, and learn how to walk.. no more stroller rides for me. So then after I realized all this I was kind of worried! This is a big deal, I really have to start gearing down and figuring out what it is I want to do. For the past 3 years I was sure I wanted to just freelance with my photography. But this past year I’ve started rethinking this.. so many other things have happened or come into my life and there are many paths I could take with my career.


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Where to go?!


We all come to many forks in the road in life like this where we will have to consider our different options. It’s crucial of course to have a grasp of what your talents and skill sets are. But the other important part is to think about how much you sincerely enjoy whatever it is you are going to do. For me, I have spent years studying fine art, digital media, and photography. I have also studied and immersed myself in fashion and a bit into design. I’ve learned what I love, and what I loathe ENTIRELY (meant to be read in the Grinch voice). For example.. I have shot multiple weddings, family photo sessions etc, and do I like to do them? No. Do they pay? Yes! Whereas when I come up with a concept and shoot an artistic idea of my own, with my models props etc picked out, I LOVE doing this! Do these shoots pay? They have the potential to, it would just take more time and determination on my part. Which.. I will have more of once I am graduated! So we will see where I will go, but for now I will focus super hard on my school work and my senior portfolio. I’ve found whenever I put all I’ve got into a project or job I always get so much out of it. I’m very grateful that these past few years of school I have really pushed myself and put so much time and energy into my schooling. Not only did my techniques improve, but my concepts became stronger and I grew a backbone! I also learned some new techniques and processes that I never would have known I enjoyed had I not went out of my comfort zone and tried them.

I’m looking forward to my next chapter in life, where I will be able to use all of the things I learned in school out in the “real world”. I am determined to focus my time and energy on each project I take on, I know this always results in success! So for now, blogging is one thing I’ve been focusing on, and I will continue to!

With that being said.. here are the photos I took today!  Since I am leaving to the Caribbean tonight.. and want to look semi-tan I thought I would wear one of my favorite white DVF dresses. This is the perfect dress if you want to keep things simple, I think it is also magic because it makes bums look good haha. You can never go wrong with a solid monotone dress, it is easy to pair with just about anything or just wear on it’s own. I chose to just wear it plain, with some blue Kate Spade earrings for a pop of color. And did my hair a little wavy, because why not!


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Dress: Diane von Furstenberg

Earrings: Kate Spade


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One thing that has been on my mind quite a bit lately is blogging. I enjoy it, but not as much as I originally thought I would. This week I realized that maybe it is not blogging itself, but they way I am doing it that I don’t enjoy so much. As you know, for my posts I photograph myself in different outfits etc. Though I enjoy this.. what I truly love is photographing other people, with a more artistic twist other than them just standing in front of the camera. The next few months I will be working much more of this into my posts, and including more of my artwork into my blog posts.

As I was racking my brain about blogging and why I didn’t particularly love it one girl kept coming to mind; Kier.


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I for one liked her bow. I am bummed this photo isn’t in focus!


When I first met Kier I was intimidated by her! I was like holy cow.. could one woman be any more gorgeous and confident? Then as I got to know her I learned a lot more about her, like how she is not only beautiful and confident, but also so so driven. She runs her own fashion blog and is always so on top of things! She knows exactly what she loves to blog about and how to do it so it is enjoyable for her and her viewers. Her drive carried through to our experience on House of DVF. I was always very impressed by her strength and go-getter attitude. If she doesn’t like something, she says so, if she wants something she goes for it!

Kier was also like an older sister to me. I felt like she had my back, and knew I could talk to her about anything. This might seem strange because she has such a strong personality, but I really connected with her. When started going through my divorce Kier was one of the first girls who I opened up to about it, and she was so sweet and really cared about me and my happiness. She also was always very respectful of me and my beliefs, and truly understood me as a person. I have so much respect for her and am so glad I now have such a strong friend! I am also so proud of how much she grew and learned on House of DVF. I know we all did, but I saw it the most in her.

She also probably received the most negativity from House of DVF viewers. I think she brushed it all off like a champ and realized that people who continually tear others down do it because they themselves are insecure. Reality tv is actually not reality.. there is SO much that is not shown and people can be made to look any way. And I know who Kier is, and everyone who doesn’t should go follow her blog and learn more about her and her true character! She is strong, a great friend, a go-getter, and know what she wants.


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Like Kier, I want to learn to really go for what I want, and let go of what is not good for me. I am slowly learning this but I know as I graduate and move to a new chapter of my life, I need even more drive to go for what I want. And I know this process involves choosing to lose things that aren’t meant for me.

Starting today I thought I would include one of my photographic films, which is part one of my senior portfolio. This film is commenting on loss, particularly the things we have to choose to let go of. This may include relationships, habits, objects, jobs, opportunities etc. Loss is something we can all relate to and will all have to experience at many times in life.

This is a fine art film, so it is the sort of film you would see playing in a museum. It’s just important to keep that in mind.. or otherwise you may think it’s just really weird haha that’s often what art is… weird. Enjoy!


 

Well, I’m off to the Caribbean now! Guarantee I’ll get a sunburn, it ‘s a talent I have. Til next time!

Codi

Goodbye 2014!

Happy New Years!

Only a few days late.

I can safely say I have never valued a new year as much as I do this time around, 2014 was easily the hardest year of my life. It was just chock-full of change… and I don’t particularly enjoy change.

It ranged from heartbreak, death and losing people I loved- to family members, new friendships and incredible learning experiences. Though it was hard and I am still wondering how I survived with half of my sanity (ok ok.. maybe a fourth of my sanity) I wouldn’t have had it play out any other way.

As crazy events dragged me uuuuppp and ddoooowwnn the most wild emotional roller coaster, I learned more than I ever thought I could. It sounds super cheesy to say it all helped me find myself.. but it did. It also showed me that I will never fully “find myself” not til the day comes where I am old wrinkled and ready to head up the big white staircase. And no, silly, I’m not talking about the stairs in the DVF building. Though… maybe the stairway to heaven does look pretty similar.


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Life is for learning, and we will each be learning until the day we die. I couldn’t be more grateful for all of the experiences- yucky and wonderful- that have brought me to the point I am at today. All it shows me is that God loves me and knows where I need to go, He knows a whole lot better than I do.

There have been two words on my mind A LOT since 2014 started coming to an end.

Talents and Trials.

These are two things that every single one of us has, and we can choose what we do with them and how we handle them. I also believe that they are two of the biggest character builders depending on how we utilize them.

This past year many of the exciting opportunities I had were because I decided to use some of my talents in different ways. I think at times it gets easy to not venture out of your comfort zone in fear of failure. But how will you ever grow if you aren’t allowing yourself to?

Not only did I have many exciting and fun opportunities from utilizing my talents; but I was able to reach out to people I never would have been able to otherwise. I made amazing friends and was able to bless their lives- even if just in the smallest way- because I didn’t hide my talents and abilities. If you think that you have a talent or gift that is unimportant or useless- think again! You weren’t made that way for nothing, so really consider what you can do to utilize it and to touch others lives for the better. For example.. if for some reason you are just so good at cleaning toilets, I have four! You would make me so happy if you came over and used your great ability! See, so worth it.

But in all seriousness- my whole life I had really been intrigued by fashion and beauty. And the last few years I have really enjoyed it and thrived in the artistic side of it. For a very long time I thought that I was prideful for enjoying fashion.. it must mean I’m a bad person or something! So.. I didn’t really do anything about it. Til the House of DVF casting started and I decided to apply on a whim, not thinking it would go anywhere. Well.. it went somewhere. Maybe not exactly where I thought it would go, but I can tell you that I can’t imagine where my life would be had I not tried to follow through with that talent of mine. However dumb, or bad I thought it was, I was so greatly blessed. I still can’t believe where my life has taken me since then.

I can also tell you that from using my talents..  a whole slew of trials tagged along. At first I was bitter about this. Why me? I won’t survive this. What do I even do?? It just didn’t make sense. And honestly it never would have made any sense had I not turned completely to God to get me through it all. It is funny to me that God is the not only the one who gets you out of trials.. but He is the one who gets you into them. There was a point in my life where I felt like maybe God didn’t love me and that was why he wanted to give me a hard time. But I soon came to realize that it was because He loved me that He gave me afflictions. He didn’t want me to stay where I was, because He knew I had the potential to learn, grow and become a better me. Now as I look back I also can see that He knew once I passed through my hardships that I would be a much happier girl. I don’t think I have ever been as happy as I am now! And I am so insanely grateful for everything I went through, and still go through. Because I know for a fact that there are always better things ahead.

Look at yourself and your talents and trials. What are you doing with what you’ve been dealt? Are you hiding them away, or are you sharing them? Please share them. It helps people like me know that I am not the only one trying to struggle by, we are all in the same boat. And we all have abilities and experiences we can use to help the people around us.

I’m going to share some of my favorite and not so favorite moments of 2014 with you now in photos. Lets see what I can rummage up.


I made new friendships, and met some amazingly talented people

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I strengthened old friendships and had so much fun in the process.

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I was able to spend a lot of quality time with my sweet family

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I said goodbye to my baby brother for two years

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Said goodbye to someone I planned on spending the rest of my life with

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And had to say goodbye to my sweet sweet grandpa

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Became an aunt to the best nephew in the world

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I pretended to be a model

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Also pretended to be on a reality tv show in New York

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Made (or tried to make) some new art

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Experienced so many beautiful places

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Goodness. That was a lot. I doubt anyone enjoyed that or cringed as much as I did. So much good, so much bad. But I can’t help but smile at the beauty of it all and that I got to experience it.

I can’t wait for what 2015 has in store. Bring it on. I’m pretty sure I can handle whatever comes my way this time..I’ll keep my fingers crossed at least!

I know that the things I experienced were unique to me, but I sincerely believe that all of us travel through good and hard times. I also know that everyone has the capacity to learn so very much from whatever they face. I challenge you to embrace your talents gifts and skills this year, and to share your experiences with those around you. Step out of your comfort zone to be a better you, whether it be in your relationships, schooling, work or something completely different! And always keep your head up and remember there are always better things ahead than anything you leave behind.

Here’s to another great year… aahhhh!

Aaannd sorry I didn’t include any new photos and clothes. I decided to save those for my next post, where I will also talk about some things I learned from beautiful Kier from House of DVF.

Thanks for reading/ looking at so many never ending pictures that you probably could care less about!

Buh-bye for now.

Codi

Do what you love!

First I’d like to apologize for a couple of things:

1. I’ve dropped the ball. Yes, I am a slow poke and was supposed to write this post a few days ago. But then finals and work happened and I almost keeled over and died. So here I am, late. But still keepin on!

2. I don’t know why I said I’d like to apologize for “a couple of things” because really that is the only thing I am apologizing for…at least at this time.


 

 You can see me right there in the green.  It’s really how I feel lately.


First of all. I would like you all to know I just typed out my entire blog post. Only to have my internet freak out.. and it ALL got deleted!! Wow why is everything against me right now? Am I not supposed to be a blogger? Will someone tell me what my future holds?

Ok so hi! Here I go again. As I was saying, I’ve been swamped with homework, finals and work. This past week I thought back to the very moment I registered to go to the University of Utah. In 2010 I was sitting in Moscow, Russia on a very balmy day. Well.. if you consider being so cold that your nose hairs freeze balmy weather, it was extremely balmy. I was Skyping with my parents as they helped me get my photos together to put into a portfolio to take up to the U. I remember feeling SO stressed (probably similar to how I just felt when my whole post got deleted..) I just had so many worries on my mind. “Well I probably shouldn’t major in Fine Art.. that won’t make me enough money.. I need to do something that will be harder for me.” and “The program takes four whole years to complete? I am going to be 198 years old when I graduate, my children and my children’s children will be there to see me get my diploma, and then they will fly home in their hover car.” But ultimately I gave my parents the green light to take my portfolio to the school.. I was going to do what I loved.

As I’ve gone through the process of finding what I love to do, it’s been important for me to learn as much as I possibly can. I’ve always felt that education is such an important thing. Over the years I have had so many people ask me why I would go to school for fine art. “You already have a nice camera, and why waste money on going to school when you are already good at it?” This bothered me so much. Yes, school is expensive, and yes there are many things you can learn on your own outside of a classroom. But I wouldn’t take back a moment of my schooling. There are so many things  that I couldn’t have learned any other way than through my college experience.

I had reservations about studying something that had a reputation of producing a bunch of poor, starving hipsters.. I was seriously torn; I thought I should just study something that could make me rich, and make me sound one million many more smarter. But I knew that the Fine Art program was right for me; and I was going to do my very best and work my butt off. I think this decision was one of the most important I’ve ever made. I have learned so much through my college experience, and it had effected my life in so many ways since the very first day. I know that I was given my talents and gifts for a reason. I am a huge advocate of doing what you love, and growing your talents to their greatest extent. When you do this, doors will open; you will meet people you couldn’t have any other way, and you will be directed down an awesome path made specifically for you.

Shortly after I started my artistic journey, my two sweet children came into my world; aka my laptop and my camera. Since they are so near and dear to me it’s always been important to keep them safe; I have had some really beautiful laptop bags over the years. At one point I carried my laptop around in a bag that looked like a giant diaper and said something like “Orthopedic Surgery” on it. Lets just make it very clear I have always been so very stylish!

Before I went to New York I stumbled upon a shop called Fullgive here in Salt Lake. I was immediately super impressed by the quality and originality of their handmade leather goods! Scott from Fullgive made a custom laptop bag before I set out on my House of DVF journey, and I can safely say I have never been so in love with a bag!


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Bag: Fullgive

Dress: Trixxi

Scarf: Unknown brand, found similar here

Leggings: Similar found here

Shoes: Not Rated (old)


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It sure means a lot to me to be able to do what I love. And I don’t think anyone fully understand how important my laptop is to me. It holds all of my school work, photo work and… life! It sure is nice to have a rad bag that reminds me of how lucky I am to be able to do what I love.

So I know I am behind- but I’d like to tie my girl Abs from House of DVF into this post. When I think of going for what you love I think of this girl. She is such a go getter- and has come such a long way in her life and career already. She has such a diverse range of talents- from design, to acting.. but my favorite quality about her is her amazing sense of humor. I’m pretty dang sure that she made me laugh more than anyone else did from House of DVF. I don’t get how she does it, but she is just so funny!


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Babe status.


I am also so thrilled to see where she goes with her career. When we were back in New York shooting promo shots, Abs told me that she was getting her reels together to get more into her acting career. I know she will be so successful! I couldn’t act to save my life! She has also designed some freaking amazing clothes.. that I would be happy to take off her hands if she ever needed to get rid of them for some mysterious reason.


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Seriously though? Ok.. coolest skirt ever!


I could go on and on. Her hair- yes. I was always jealous, she always looks like a model. Also she wraps turbans like a champ.. refer back to episode one of House of DVF and you can see her work her magic on Tiff and I.. haha! I could not pull that turban off like she can.. no way! So basically I just think she is amazing. And ultimately am super impressed by her go getter attitude and confidence; she will go so far. Just look at what she has accomplished by doing what she loves and challenging herself every day.

We should all be more like her.. and get out there and be our very best selves! That’s how you get the furthest and reach even the furthest seeming goals.

So please- go do what you love and be confident in it! Gifts and talents aren’t meant to be ignored, they are meant to be used and grown.

In closing, I’d like you to know how impressed I am in myself that I just re-did this entire post after it got deleted. I think I will go do a small jig now. Waaahhhooo!

Thanks for reading!

Codi

 

House of DVF Episode 2- Goodbye NY!

What a wild ride!

Once filming was done for Episode 1 of House of DVF the 8 of us went home for a while. We were told we’d be back soon for the rest of the program, and this time we would be in NYC for at least a month. Wow, I had to talk to professors and move my school schedule around. My husband and I also decided we would move out of our apartment so he could be with his family while I was gone, and then we could find a new place when I was done filming! So many big changes, it was an overwhelming but exciting time!

I got anxious and super duper excited as the date drew nearer to return to the Biiiiig Apple! I also felt anxious to leave my husband for so long, it would be the first time we were apart for longer than a week since we got married. But we ultimately knew this opportunity was for our better and would be something that would help me put him through the rest of his schooling. Little did I know how this really would impact our futures.


 

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Bye Utah!


I knew this would be a big turning point in my life, and I couldn’t wait to see where it took me! My whole family was thrilled for my adventure as well and naturally they wanted to come visit me in New York halfway through my stay. I remember asking the producers if my family could come and they vaguely replied “No, you girls will just be so busy, they will need to come visit you sometime in the first two days you are here.” Well.. that would be pointless I thought! What was strange to me was that none of the other girls were told their friends and family could only visit sometime in the first two days. I didn’t catch on. Silly Codi.

Our first day back we all were told to head over to the DVF headquarters. We walked up the big beautiful stairs and sat down at a table and watched Stefani pick clothes to display in one of the stores. She then came over and welcomed us to our first day! Diane then came down the stairs and boom, it all got real! We were assigned our first task by Michael Herz, DVF’s Artistic Director: to create inspiration boards! Can I take a moment to dote on Michael?? This guy=the ultimate coolest! I would truly love to follow in his footsteps in the way he has used his creativity and artistic talent in the fashion world. He is also down to earth and real, every time something weird or fake happened when I wanted to bust out laughing but I held it in; he would just laugh! What a cool guy, I seriously respect him and his talent!


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He might be my favorite. Sorry everyone else!


OK OK, back to the inspiration boards. Inspiration Boards?! I love the sound of that! Diane proceeded to tell us this collection we would be inspiring would be themed around Côte d’Azur- or in other words: South of France and the French Riviera. She went on to say it should be inspired heavily by Matisse, and color. Alright, this little fine art student could work with that! I didn’t know a whole lot about Côte d’Azur; but I did know a whole lot about Matisse, color, and pattern! I was excited to get back so I could start researching Southern France. I also knew quite a bit about creating inspiration boards, this was pretty dang similar to what I do every day for school! I was pumped, and confident, were all of the challenges going to be this great? The cameras then went off and Lenore and I were told we were going to go film our part first; so the other girls and crew headed back to the hotel. They took my board with them and it mysteriously “disappeared” into thin air later that night when I was done filming…hmm. So I went out in the wee hours of the morning after our day was done and secretly bought myself TWO boards just in case something went mysteriously awry again.

It was a rough night for me. It was really hard for me to just take all of these weird situations that seemed so not real and pretend I didn’t see right through it. Was all of this drama real? No, it so wasn’t. Did my board really just poof away into oblivion? No I don’t think so. I felt like Katniss! Like stupid President Snow was trying to fool me and I was like “I know what you’re doing,  Peeta and I are going to eat the berries.. we will do it I swear..!!”

That same night as I was on my way back up to my hotel room with some of the girls the elevator opened, and a man reached his hand through just before it closed. He grabbed my hand and I looked up surprised. It was one of the hotel workers, Omar. He said “It’s my best friend!” with a big smile on his face. ” I’m sorry girls, but I hope she wins! She has been so nice to me the whole time she has been here, she is one of the nicest people I’ve ever met. She is my best friend!” and then the elevator doors shut and I stood there feeling a lot better than when I first stepped in that elevator . That was one of the moments where I thought if that is all I came here to do then I am happy with that. As corny as it may sound I do believe that is our purpose in this life- to be kind and make others feel loved and valued. There is a bigger purpose for us than to just live and die, this life is a test.


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So the next day we headed over to the studio to put together outfits for the look book! And wow the studio was amazing. We got divided into teams- Amanda, Lenore, Brittany and I. Then Kier, Abs, Jinna and Tiff. Honestly, this challenge was super simple. Is it really so hard to pick out outfits? No. Does it look like it was after some serious editing? Yes. Did they make it look like I did absolutely nothing? Yes. Did they re-shoot that whole clip of them judging our looks? Yes. Oh goodness the whole thing had me so confused. Not the actual challenge but whatever the heck they were trying to play out on the production side. I think I had a confused face on the entire time. I honestly wanted to laugh out loud! Both of our teams did great, and I think the teamwork was awesome. And of course I wasn’t going to make all of the decisions for our group..there was four of us, not one.

All in all, we did awesome and our group won! Sawweeet! So we had to opportunity to go to the actual look book shoot. Unreal. What a neat opportunity. Especially as a photographer I ate that whole thing right up! Just being able to be on set of a professional photo shoot for DVF, sooo cool! Then they “dropped the bomb” that the inspiration boards were due in an hour. Good thing I ran to the store in the middle of the night and got a new board! Two boards at that just for good measure.

The first board I made I went out on the streets and asked women what the first thing that comes to mind when they hear the word “beautiful” is. And I took a photo of each of them and wrote their word under their photo. It was so neat. Almost everyone said something about inner beauty, or people they love. It really was so cool to hear. This board didn’t get shown on TV, I don’t even know if Diane got to see it, one of the producers took it from me and said we’d get it to Diane later.

So I went back to the hotel and put my photos on my boards. I was so rushed I didn’t think to take a photo of it, how dumb am I?? So here is my remake of it!


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Side one.


moodside2Side two.


The concept behind my board started when Diane said she wanted it to be inspired by Matisse. I have always been intrigued most by Matisse’s portraits. The Girl With Green Eyes popped into my head for some reason so I went with it. The rule with the boards was we were to use one of Diane’s personal photos on it somewhere. I chose a photo of tangled blue fishing nets (I found a similar photo above on side two of my board). I chose this particular photo because if you were standing close to it could could see all of the fine detail in the netting, but if you stepped back or unfocused your eyes the negative space and big shapes came forward. It was all in how you focused. Same goes for Matisse- I have found that there are typically many things to focus on in his paintings- so you must choose where or what to focus on. His color palette is also very saturated and I wanted to convey this on my board.


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Matisse

The Girl With Green Eyes


When I brought out my board everyone just stared at it for quite some time, and there was an awkward silence in the room. I didn’t understand what was going on. Michael then spoke up “This is the best board.” more silence… Diane stomped her foot a couple of times. There was some more strange shifting around of people and the crew. The cameras went off for a bit and Diane Michael Stefani and Jessica spoke to me about my photography complementing it. Diane said ” I would like a copy of these to hang in my office!” Um, OK Diane as you wish!! So cool! Michael loved my board and I was incredibly happy they liked my concept and felt it inspired them. But why was there a weird tension in the room? At one point Diane said “This is not fair!” I just thought.. what’s not fair?? I wasn’t catching on.

Ultimately my board was picked as one of the best! I was thrilled! It was then that Diane left the room and then came back and said it was time for someone to go home. What? We were all told we would all be here for a month and a half.. not two days! I thought I was safe- My group won the first challenge and my board won the second challenge. I hadn’t been told to do anything differently, or caused any drama. I had done all of the jobs I was given. I had stayed true to myself, and hadn’t talked bad about a single person. I had been on time to everything, hadn’t been told to change my clothes. Why would I be sent home?

Then my name was called to go upstairs with Abs and Lenore.

I honestly felt just.. peace. I wasn’t worried, I knew whatever was supposed to happen would happen. And then Diane kindly told me in so many words “You are such a sweet girl and amazing photographer, that is what you need to be doing is your photography.” And she gave me a goody bag and sent me on my way.

I honestly was not sad. I felt like it was right, I did my very best and just maybe I wasn’t cut out for “Reality” TV. I had learned SO much. I got to experience so many things I had never dreamed of experiencing! I got to meet so many amazing and inspiring people who will now always be a part of my life. I couldn’t be ungrateful. I was just being directed onto my next big journey and I had faith it was the right path and everything was going to be better than OK! But it was hard saying goodbye to the girls, especially because I was expecting to be spending the next month with them. I can’t tell you how much I love them all!


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I don’t think they were very sad I was leaving hahaha they were probably  just happy it wasn’t them!


So off I went back to Utah. Ultimately I know God’s timing was perfect. If I hadn’t have come home right then, I wouldn’t have been able to spend the last couple of weeks with my Grandpa before he passed away. I also wouldn’t have had the courage to stand up for myself in my unhealthy marriage. My next posts will be on those two topics, and the very pivotal few months I went through and how much I was blessed.

Something that has been tough for me to learn in life is how to take rejections in stride. I always saw them as a door closing, or a negative statement of my value or worth. At times, they are. There will be times in everyone’s life when you are “not good enough” for something (or someone thinks you’re not). Or when a door does close for good. But the truth is you are always good enough, it just may be something different than you expected. And there is always another door just waiting for you to open it, so you can set off on the bigger better adventure. Rejections truly aren’t rejections. They are merely the gateway through which we must travel to learn and to grow. They are actually one of the most beautiful things in this life. And they are God’s way of saying ” I love you, so I have a better plan for you.”

Now I welcome these “rejections” with open arms. Yeah, they still sting. And yes, they will always be difficult. But I’ve learned too much to ever go back to thinking they are not for the best, and I haven’t become a better woman because of them.

I know the woman I want to be, and I am well on my way to being exactly that person.

Diane- thank you. Thank you thank you thank you! What a crazy journey. And what a huge door has opened for me. What amazing people I have met, and what great friends I now have. I’ve become more independent, courageous and happy! My skin is a little thicker (key word, little) and I’m holding my head higher! My wardrobe is a bit more refined, and I’ve got more patience. My testimony in the gospel of Jesus Christ is stronger, and I am more grateful for the people and things that I have right now. Hopefully I’ve impacted others on my way and brightened someone’s life, at least just a little bit. That is truly what I wanted to do.


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So now my question for you, reader, is:

What are you focusing on?

Love, Codi