What a wild ride!

Once filming was done for Episode 1 of House of DVF the 8 of us went home for a while. We were told we’d be back soon for the rest of the program, and this time we would be in NYC for at least a month. Wow, I had to talk to professors and move my school schedule around. My husband and I also decided we would move out of our apartment so he could be with his family while I was gone, and then we could find a new place when I was done filming! So many big changes, it was an overwhelming but exciting time!

I got anxious and super duper excited as the date drew nearer to return to the Biiiiig Apple! I also felt anxious to leave my husband for so long, it would be the first time we were apart for longer than a week since we got married. But we ultimately knew this opportunity was for our better and would be something that would help me put him through the rest of his schooling. Little did I know how this really would impact our futures.

Bye Utah!

I knew this would be a big turning point in my life, and I couldn’t wait to see where it took me! My whole family was thrilled for my adventure as well and naturally they wanted to come visit me in New York halfway through my stay. I remember asking the producers if my family could come and they vaguely replied “No, you girls will just be so busy, they will need to come visit you sometime in the first two days you are here.” Well.. that would be pointless I thought! What was strange to me was that none of the other girls were told their friends and family could only visit sometime in the first two days. I didn’t catch on. Silly Codi.

Our first day back we all were told to head over to the DVF headquarters. We walked up the big beautiful stairs and sat down at a table and watched Stefani pick clothes to display in one of the stores. She then came over and welcomed us to our first day! Diane then came down the stairs and boom, it all got real! We were assigned our first task by Michael Herz, DVF’s Artistic Director: to create inspiration boards! Can I take a moment to dote on Michael?? This guy=the ultimate coolest! I would truly love to follow in his footsteps in the way he has used his creativity and artistic talent in the fashion world. He is also down to earth and real, every time something weird or fake happened when I wanted to bust out laughing but I held it in; he would just laugh! What a cool guy, I seriously respect him and his talent!

He might be my favorite. Sorry everyone else!

OK OK, back to the inspiration boards. Inspiration Boards?! I love the sound of that! Diane proceeded to tell us this collection we would be inspiring would be themed around Côte d’Azur- or in other words: South of France and the French Riviera. She went on to say it should be inspired heavily by Matisse, and color. Alright, this little fine art student could work with that! I didn’t know a whole lot about Côte d’Azur; but I did know a whole lot about Matisse, color, and pattern! I was excited to get back so I could start researching Southern France. I also knew quite a bit about creating inspiration boards, this was pretty dang similar to what I do every day for school! I was pumped, and confident, were all of the challenges going to be this great? The cameras then went off and Lenore and I were told we were going to go film our part first; so the other girls and crew headed back to the hotel. They took my board with them and it mysteriously “disappeared” into thin air later that night when I was done filming…hmm. So I went out in the wee hours of the morning after our day was done and secretly bought myself TWO boards just in case something went mysteriously awry again.

It was a rough night for me. It was really hard for me to just take all of these weird situations that seemed so not real and pretend I didn’t see right through it. Was all of this drama real? No, it so wasn’t. Did my board really just poof away into oblivion? No I don’t think so. I felt like Katniss! Like stupid President Snow was trying to fool me and I was like “I know what you’re doing,  Peeta and I are going to eat the berries.. we will do it I swear..!!”

That same night as I was on my way back up to my hotel room with some of the girls the elevator opened, and a man reached his hand through just before it closed. He grabbed my hand and I looked up surprised. It was one of the hotel workers, Omar. He said “It’s my best friend!” with a big smile on his face. ” I’m sorry girls, but I hope she wins! She has been so nice to me the whole time she has been here, she is one of the nicest people I’ve ever met. She is my best friend!” and then the elevator doors shut and I stood there feeling a lot better than when I first stepped in that elevator . That was one of the moments where I thought if that is all I came here to do then I am happy with that. As corny as it may sound I do believe that is our purpose in this life- to be kind and make others feel loved and valued. There is a bigger purpose for us than to just live and die, this life is a test.

So the next day we headed over to the studio to put together outfits for the look book! And wow the studio was amazing. We got divided into teams- Amanda, Lenore, Brittany and I. Then Kier, Abs, Jinna and Tiff. Honestly, this challenge was super simple. Is it really so hard to pick out outfits? No. Does it look like it was after some serious editing? Yes. Did they make it look like I did absolutely nothing? Yes. Did they re-shoot that whole clip of them judging our looks? Yes. Oh goodness the whole thing had me so confused. Not the actual challenge but whatever the heck they were trying to play out on the production side. I think I had a confused face on the entire time. I honestly wanted to laugh out loud! Both of our teams did great, and I think the teamwork was awesome. And of course I wasn’t going to make all of the decisions for our group..there was four of us, not one.

All in all, we did awesome and our group won! Sawweeet! So we had to opportunity to go to the actual look book shoot. Unreal. What a neat opportunity. Especially as a photographer I ate that whole thing right up! Just being able to be on set of a professional photo shoot for DVF, sooo cool! Then they “dropped the bomb” that the inspiration boards were due in an hour. Good thing I ran to the store in the middle of the night and got a new board! Two boards at that just for good measure.

The first board I made I went out on the streets and asked women what the first thing that comes to mind when they hear the word “beautiful” is. And I took a photo of each of them and wrote their word under their photo. It was so neat. Almost everyone said something about inner beauty, or people they love. It really was so cool to hear. This board didn’t get shown on TV, I don’t even know if Diane got to see it, one of the producers took it from me and said we’d get it to Diane later.

So I went back to the hotel and put my photos on my boards. I was so rushed I didn’t think to take a photo of it, how dumb am I?? So here is my remake of it!

Side one.

Side two.

The concept behind my board started when Diane said she wanted it to be inspired by Matisse. I have always been intrigued most by Matisse’s portraits. The Girl With Green Eyes popped into my head for some reason so I went with it. The rule with the boards was we were to use one of Diane’s personal photos on it somewhere. I chose a photo of tangled blue fishing nets (I found a similar photo above on side two of my board). I chose this particular photo because if you were standing close to it could could see all of the fine detail in the netting, but if you stepped back or unfocused your eyes the negative space and big shapes came forward. It was all in how you focused. Same goes for Matisse- I have found that there are typically many things to focus on in his paintings- so you must choose where or what to focus on. His color palette is also very saturated and I wanted to convey this on my board.

Matisse

The Girl With Green Eyes

When I brought out my board everyone just stared at it for quite some time, and there was an awkward silence in the room. I didn’t understand what was going on. Michael then spoke up “This is the best board.” more silence… Diane stomped her foot a couple of times. There was some more strange shifting around of people and the crew. The cameras went off for a bit and Diane Michael Stefani and Jessica spoke to me about my photography complementing it. Diane said ” I would like a copy of these to hang in my office!” Um, OK Diane as you wish!! So cool! Michael loved my board and I was incredibly happy they liked my concept and felt it inspired them. But why was there a weird tension in the room? At one point Diane said “This is not fair!” I just thought.. what’s not fair?? I wasn’t catching on.

Ultimately my board was picked as one of the best! I was thrilled! It was then that Diane left the room and then came back and said it was time for someone to go home. What? We were all told we would all be here for a month and a half.. not two days! I thought I was safe- My group won the first challenge and my board won the second challenge. I hadn’t been told to do anything differently, or caused any drama. I had done all of the jobs I was given. I had stayed true to myself, and hadn’t talked bad about a single person. I had been on time to everything, hadn’t been told to change my clothes. Why would I be sent home?

Then my name was called to go upstairs with Abs and Lenore.

I honestly felt just.. peace. I wasn’t worried, I knew whatever was supposed to happen would happen. And then Diane kindly told me in so many words “You are such a sweet girl and amazing photographer, that is what you need to be doing is your photography.” And she gave me a goody bag and sent me on my way.

I honestly was not sad. I felt like it was right, I did my very best and just maybe I wasn’t cut out for “Reality” TV. I had learned SO much. I got to experience so many things I had never dreamed of experiencing! I got to meet so many amazing and inspiring people who will now always be a part of my life. I couldn’t be ungrateful. I was just being directed onto my next big journey and I had faith it was the right path and everything was going to be better than OK! But it was hard saying goodbye to the girls, especially because I was expecting to be spending the next month with them. I can’t tell you how much I love them all!

I don’t think they were very sad I was leaving hahaha they were probably  just happy it wasn’t them!

So off I went back to Utah. Ultimately I know God’s timing was perfect. If I hadn’t have come home right then, I wouldn’t have been able to spend the last couple of weeks with my Grandpa before he passed away. I also wouldn’t have had the courage to stand up for myself in my unhealthy marriage. My next posts will be on those two topics, and the very pivotal few months I went through and how much I was blessed.

Something that has been tough for me to learn in life is how to take rejections in stride. I always saw them as a door closing, or a negative statement of my value or worth. At times, they are. There will be times in everyone’s life when you are “not good enough” for something (or someone thinks you’re not). Or when a door does close for good. But the truth is you are always good enough, it just may be something different than you expected. And there is always another door just waiting for you to open it, so you can set off on the bigger better adventure. Rejections truly aren’t rejections. They are merely the gateway through which we must travel to learn and to grow. They are actually one of the most beautiful things in this life. And they are God’s way of saying ” I love you, so I have a better plan for you.”

Now I welcome these “rejections” with open arms. Yeah, they still sting. And yes, they will always be difficult. But I’ve learned too much to ever go back to thinking they are not for the best, and I haven’t become a better woman because of them.

I know the woman I want to be, and I am well on my way to being exactly that person.

Diane- thank you. Thank you thank you thank you! What a crazy journey. And what a huge door has opened for me. What amazing people I have met, and what great friends I now have. I’ve become more independent, courageous and happy! My skin is a little thicker (key word, little) and I’m holding my head higher! My wardrobe is a bit more refined, and I’ve got more patience. My testimony in the gospel of Jesus Christ is stronger, and I am more grateful for the people and things that I have right now. Hopefully I’ve impacted others on my way and brightened someone’s life, at least just a little bit. That is truly what I wanted to do.

So now my question for you, reader, is:

What are you focusing on?

Love, Codi